Checklist.

So,

I've was thinking about it, and realised I have had quite a few incredible experiences in my life. So I'm going to make a list of things that come to mind, a list I hope I can keep adding on to as time goes by. (Also part of
carpediemday requirements)

1. Watched The Black Keys live.
2. Lived in France. Travelled to the south of France, and Paris on multiple occasions.
3. Lived together with boybackhome for a month.
4. Watched Emancipator live.
5. Watched Porcupine Tree live.
6. Travelled to Amsterdam and brought back goodies with me on a flight.
7. Travelled to Sikkim and been at the Indo-Chinese border.
8. Watched Wicked.
9. Watched Dame Judi Dench on stage, performing live.
10. Have had the most incredible December months, each year since 2006.
11. Watched Porter Robinson live at MOS.
12. Made out on an incredibly beautiful pier on the Thames overlooking Tower Bridge while being on my "tippytoes" in the biting London chill.
13. Walked barefoot across the equivalent of five metro stations in Paris.
14. Been to Musee de Orly and the Orangerie.
15. Been parasailing and sea walking in Thailand.
16. Lived in London at 23.
17. Been a part of the Cologne Carnival dressed up as a rastafari.
18. Been in a city where a hanging tram is the main mode of transport(Wuppertal).
19. Made out atop a lighthouse, in the middle of rain overlooking a really pretty beach.
20. Travelled extensively across India.
21. Watched Cirque de Soleil.
22. Watched Raghu Dixit, The Supersonics, Lounge Piranha, Touchwood live.
23. Seen Kunal Kapoor.
24. Seen Ravi Shankar live. With Anoushka Shankar.
25. Seen Ali Akbar Khan live.
26. Seen a meteor shower, a lunar and solar eclipse.
27. Been in an open relationship with someone I love.
28. Travelled to Edinburgh, Bath and Stonehenge.
29. Hosted a set of legendary flat parties while in London.
30. Made out in a sari while my sister was getting married.

Okay. enough for the moment. updates regularly, promise.

Because sometimes big cities are the loneliest places.

So May has just started but I want this year to piss off as soon as possible. The number of faux-pas, general days of being mopey and depressed, losing people...friends, boybackhome, grades everything seems like a proverbial house of cards, hanging on by the slightest thread of sanity that I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose soon. Don't get me wrong, London is an incredible place and if you're 23 and in London, you're beyond lucky. But it is also cruel, unforgiving and sometimes very very lonely.
Especially now that there are fewer classes to attend, more free time etc. it also means having to do infinitely more things to occupy oneself. Since this is a fairly discreet blog, and I solemnly swore I'd write about whatever I feel like, I am going to do just that. I know it sounds so ridiculously juvenile and I cannot believe that I'm writing about it, but hey this is supposed to be therapeutic or something right?
Things, circumstances have all changed in the last two months and I haven't felt as alone in ages as I do on most days here. I spent most of my time around people and I ask myself why exactly I feel this way. I've never clamoured for attention or been needy and hence this is quite puzzling for me. Its probably because it is taking me a bit of time to accept the fact that I've been replaced, and not as indispensable as I once thought I was. Being a constant third wheel is difficult, and I'm getting a bit tired of it, I suppose. Getting tired of being in a room and being a spectator most of the time and asking myself constantly, why am I here again? Being the person I am, it is eventually going to reach the point where I back away and close myself off.  Which may pose the question: How and why did this come about?  Did said change in circumstances lead to this or was it just me? Or like certain close friendships has this one just dissipated with time? If it is the first, I'd rather not have that. If it is the third, it is going to be my second one to go awry in one year, except I actually give a shit about it this time. Some close friendships stem from a common shared interest--whether it is music or moving to a new city. For friendshipgoneawry Part I, it was the latter. Once we settled down, this was possibly bound to happen I suppose.
For the one in question though, like other things I didn't see coming, if this happens, and I can already see the tiny cracks, it will in fact, devastate me. And the worst part unfortunately is, he's usually my go-to person for everything but I can't ever bring this up because I know exactly how it will be interpreted. As it has been once before. As being "relationshippy" and to do with the development of feelings. It is not that though. It will be insisted upon that nothing has changed and everything is the same. But slowly and subtly, if it is noticed, it will be noticed that things aren't how they used to be. Perhaps, I am overreacting. Perhaps, I am quite dependent on this person and this friendship, but that is something that is always been a part of my personality... getting attached. It takes me time to let someone in but when I do, I really do. And they become a part of me. Saying that, I really do miss my best friend in this bigbadlonelytown.
As Carla says to me sometimes, "We both need to find a solution to getting so attached to close friends. " firstworldproblems be thy name.

Okay ending with girlyawesomenesssong.

Gotta love Sara Bareilles. :)